The season has begun to slow down as the cool, crisp weather is setting in around us. Long periods of dark grey skies and chilly winds were finally followed by a quick passing of the rain. The sun is trying to peak through the clouds again, but I think the season of clouds have become too powerful. This is my happy place. The place where I am nestled inside, fireplace going, wrapped up in a blanket with some tea; praying we have a winter full of chilly weather & rain.
...And this is when I do my best thinking...
Some say they do their best thinking at night, or after 3am; but for me - it's on the dark, cold, and rainy days. The constant change in the weather makes me dig into the depths of my soul to think about change in my life. And how just like the weather is trying to figure out what season it wants to be, I'm a work in progress, forever changing in order to become my most authentic self. Remember, You are Allowed to Change, and you're allowed to live your best, most authentic life without any apologies or explanations.
...And so, I think some more. I dig deeper in authenticity. I dig deeper into understanding this wave of change as each day passes and I learn more about myself and even those around me. I've come to this, Change is inevitable. We can do our best to fight it and alter the way it happens; but there is no denying that if change wants to happen, it will. It's unavoidable. You will Change. Your Relationships will change. Your Friendships will change. Your Job Will change...Life has you know it will change. So how are you going to ride the wave? Now, don't ask me why a surfing metaphor fits there, because I've never surfed. I'm just now getting acquainted with the ocean. But I'm learning to go with the currants and that's good enough for me.
In my early twenties I would have said I hated change. I would have threw my hands up, stomped my feet, and threw a fit. 22 year old Ashlee would have played the "woe is me," card against every change that would happen. The changing of friendships was the worst of it - I refused to let it happen. I would throw my arms up and act like a little kid whose spot in the playground just got taken over. School wasn't going my way? I hated my job? Life wasn't going as planned. WOE. IS. ME. -- But the difference is, I hadn't remembered what it was like to be my authentic self because I had molded into what others thought I should be. And I didn't know that I was allowed to change with the changing times. Mostly, I just wasn't accepting change. So here I am, at 27, gulp, accepting that it's perfectly normal for your friendships, jobs, and life to change. It's how we grow. It's what brings us closer to an authentic life that was crafted just for us through God's Will. And instead of throwing my hands up and getting upset, I sit with the change. Sometimes alone and sometimes with company. But I sit with it and I wait for it to reveal it's full self.
Life has a funny way of showing you things in it's own time. I've realized this in the last couple of months. I'm already diving into 2018's "Word of the Year," and focusing on making this next year great. And in doing so I've already learned more about myself that can fit in an urban dictionary. I've learned to look up at the sky again and just watch the weather change around me. The ever moving clouds, the thunder heads rollin in from a distant, the stand still of the sun over the ocean, the clarity a rainstorm brings, and the peace a clear blue sky shares. Change is Inevitable. But oh man, It's a Beautiful Adventure.
Love without Expecting, Love without Fear, Love, Love, Love!!